Akuna’s clean dog joke

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “10 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the “stop” button, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and yells at the the dog. The butcher runs up screams at the guy: “What in the world are you doing? This dog’s a genius!” The owner responds, “Genius? I don’t think so. It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his key!” http://www.beardog.org

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Top Ten Signs You Spoil Your Dog:

1. You think begging for table scraps is beneath him, so you let your dog eat at the table with you. 2. You take him to the supermarket and let him pick out his own dog food. 3. Your husband comes home from work, looks at the stew on the stove and asks: “Is this people food or dog food?” 4. You bought matching His & Hers place mats for your dog and yourself. 5. At dinner parties you always have to double-check the butter for visible lick marks, before putting it on the table. 6. Your dog gets to vote on where to spend the next family vacation. 7. You don’t care if you or your spouse are comfortable at night, as long as Fido has enough room on the bed. 8. You complain about the rising costs of groceries, but you don’t think twice about spending a fortune on doggie treats. 9. Your dog always gets the best spot on the couch and sometimes he even gets to hold the remote. 10. He has his own e-mail address

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Ten Reasons Why It’s Great To Be A Dog!

If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don’t even have to comb your own hair. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you’re cute. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours. You can spend hours just smelling stuff. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault. It doesn’t take much to make you happy. You’re always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

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